Clean Eating Brownies

If you're anything like me, then you love dessert. Its as plain and simple as that. You would probably rather spend most of your time in the kitchen cooking yummy desserts. However, if you're also like me, then you are also trying to eat healthier. Healthy eating equals feeling better in life generally and tempting desserts just put you in a slump. 

I feel like most of my Pinterest pins are in desserts section and just about all of them don't get made because they are way too unhealthy however they are so tempting. So, when I find a chocolate dessert recipe (I'm a chocolate lover) that is healthy I have to try it! I found this one on Pinterest called Clean Eating Freedom Brownies however when I looked at all the ingredients it called for 5 eggs! Well with my experience in cooking, which isn't a ton to call me a professional but I have a good amount to know that 5 eggs with the amount of all the other ingredients would turn out tasting super eggy. I don't know if any of you know that taste but I am not a fan of eggy tasting food that shouldn't taste like eggs. So I had to revise the recipe a little to my liking, so here it is enjoy! 

Clean Eating Brownies:

• 1/3 cup coconut flower
• 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1/2 mashed avocado (optional)
• 1/3 cup coconut oil 
• 1/2 cup pure maple syrup 
• 2 eggs
• 1/4 cup plain greek yogurt (or regular)
• 2 TBS flax meal 
• 6 TBS water
• 2 tsp vanilla 

First start off by mixing the flax meal and water together in a cup and set aside to thicken.

Preheat oven to 350.  

Mix the flour and cocoa powder in a food processor or a blender. 

Then slowly add the wet ingredients one at a time starting with the avocado if you are choosing to add it and the flax meal mixture last to make sure it has thickened is the consistency of an egg. 

After all the ingredients are mixed grease a 8x8 for thicker brownies or a 7x11 for thinner and pour mixture in. 

Bake for 35 min. 

take out and make sure they cool or when cutting them they will fall apart. 

*tips:

• I used a food processor because if you have ever used coconut flour in absorbs moister differently than wheat flour and will clump quite quickly making it hard to mix with a whisk or spoon. However if you do not have a food processor or blender just now attempting with spoon or whisk might be a bit difficult to mix well. 
• adding the avocado makes the brownies more fudgey which I love but you are more of a fan of more cake-like brownies you shouldn't put it in. 
• I served these brownies with just a scoop of ice cream on the side and no one even knew they were healthy, just a suggestion. 

They Don't Stay Babies For Long

Just about over a month ago Sawyer turned one and soon after that we found out we were having a baby girl!

As I looked through the pictures from that time a flood of different thoughts and feelings come over me. I start to remember how desperately I felt when trying to get pregnant after feeling impressed to start having a family and soon finding that it's not as easy as you think to just get pregnant. I also remembered how devastated I was when I found out I was miscarrying our first pregnancy, and the joys and fears that accompanied a crazy roller coaster of emotions when we got pregnant again with Sawyer. Now here I am pregnant with my second, a girl which I have always dreamed of having and having a whole new experience with this pregnancy. It's a constant battle of wishing I wasn't pregnant, hoping my body doesn't change too much, thrilled to have cute baby girl to dress up, scared  my body is going to look worse after this pregnancy, excited for the attention you get when you have a newborn baby and the list goes on and on.

Since starting my little family I have been humbled a lot. First, I was humbled to learn that getting pregnant and pregnancy are not easy things. When you look at the statistics there is only a tiny window of opportunity for a woman to get pregnant each month (if she has a normal cycle) and the chances are not that high, yet we do, so it makes it amazing that women can even get pregnant (human life truly is a miracle). However, then after your pregnant the fears of many things constantly rush through you afraid of miscarriage, still birth, unhealthy baby, labor, delivery and everything in between. Then you have that little bundle of joy and there is so much happiness and so much love that you didn't even know was possible to have for someone and fears will be washed away momentarily by all the hope in the world just looking at that fresh from heaven new face. Sadly, if you're as "lucky" as me it doesn't last too long and new fears and insecurities creep in with postpartum depression. Now don't get me wrong I was happy as could be to have such a wonderful child in my life, but things got hard when feelings of inadequacy found its way into me about motherhood and being good enough on many different levels.

With feelings of inadequacy, I don't just mean the everyday question's of mothers like "am I doing this right?" or "How do I know what he/she wants?" Though it does cause troubling feelings inside I'm talking about other things like "How come I don't look like 'her' after having my baby" and "How do they afford all those cute/cool baby things?" and also "How does she have time to put makeup on, I barely have time to take a shower?" Yes, I am talking about the awful thing that can happen when you come into this world of motherhood, COMPARISON. It quite honestly is hard not to do it when once we get pregnant and become mothers we seem to see people in the same exact stage as us EVERYWHERE!

This was something that was quite hard for me, it seemed like I could always see someone somewhere doing it better than me. I came into this rut where it was like once I get to this certain point in motherhood where I lost all the weight I gained, look good in a bikini, had time to make myself look glamorous, could cook a full course meal and afford all the best clothes and gadgets for my baby I would be happy. The sad thing was that was never going to happen. Nine months later I would find out I was pregnant with our second (oops!) and the weight wasn't going to be coming off any time soon being pregnant. Stretch marks were never going to go away especially after getting pregnant so soon so having the goal to look good in a bikini was unrealistic, plus the mommy tummy that happens after having a baby (yikes!). Having a busy one year old and the energy of a pregnant women well there goes having time to make myself look glamorous and cooking a full course meal. Now, my husband did get a better job but now we have so much more bills to pay for a bigger place, all the insurance and other responsibilities that come with growing up there goes the last thing of ever getting the "best".

Today, it is so easy to get wrapped up in what everyone else has and needing to be this "perfect" mother. I can't tell you how much I have struggled with this unrealistic "perfect" I have chased after, and with constantly trying to chase it, it was hard to find my self worth. I thought it would be easy to be happy being pregnant with a girl, something I had always wanted, but it wasn't because I had been so wrapped up in wanting to be this beautiful pregnant women with everything perfect, not gaining any weight, looking good in a bikini, glamorously made up, cooking perfect meals and afford all the best for my baby girl. However, I am not. It's as simple as that and that is ok because who I am is good enough. I am tired of being so wrapped up in how things need to look from the outside that I forgot about the most important part of having children and being a mother is... being a mother. I know that sounds funny, but think about it we need to forget a little more about all those temporal things that don't mean much in the long run and spend time being the best mom for our kids. Our kids aren't going to care if we aren't the skinniest woman on the block, have perfect skin, wear make up, cook a full course meal or have have the best clothes and toys (sorry I'm listing so much). Believe it or not kids are going to love you for just being their parent. I never look back at my life and wish that I had better clothes in my childhood, or ate better meals I was just happy to have what I needed and tried to enjoy life. If I felt that way and never saw any of those things important as a child then why am I worrying about it so much now?

I love that quote given in general conference sometime ago saying

"Motherhood Is Not A Hobby, It Is A Calling. You Do Not Collect Children Because You Find Them Cuter Than Stamps. It Is Not Something You Do If You Can Squeeze The Time In. It Is What God Gave You Time For." ~ Elder Neal Anderson

This bring so much perspective to me of what motherhood really is. We don't become mothers because we just have to have that cute little baby, not because of the motherhood status or because "everyone else" is doing it and we need to too. We are mothers because as a women we have been called to do it. I know that when starting a family I have fallen trap to thinking that being a mother was all about having the cutest baby/child, being the most beautiful mom, having the best stuff and pretty much being the best at everything. I now realize what motherhood really is all about. I bear the marks of having a child that I used to look at in shame, though no one else was going to see them I wished they were never there. Now I look at them and remember the sacrifice that was made to have my little Sawyer, and the sacrifice that is motherhood. Take in those moments, women, enjoy motherhood and take the time to realize the sacrifice you are making to bring that child of God into this world and the stewardship you have been given over that life, because they don't stay babies for long. 

Yummy Healthy Homemade Fruit Snacks

So I have already posted this recipe before but when I made it this time I made a few changes to it. Anyways I am going to post the way I made it then at the end I will leave some tips on how you can make the fruit snacks the way you would like them to taste! 

Homemade Fruitsnacks:

• 1 cup fruit 
• 2/3 cup lemon juice*
• 4 tablespoons honey*
• 4 tablespoons plain gelatin 

First start by taking your fruit, fresh or frozen, and lemon juice and put them in a saucepan on medium high heat until the fruit is nice and soft. (to the point where you can easily cut through with a spoon. Next let it cool for a few minutes but don't let the mixture get completely cold, and depending on what you have (blender, food processor, stand mixer) puree the fruit. 

*Make sure you blend it pretty well because depending on the fruit you use you can get weird fibrous chunks like if you use pineapple or mango. Also, if you want to use berries be aware that if you don't have a very good blender to pulverize the seeds the fruit snacks will have crunchy seeds. 

Now add honey. Now one tablespoon at a time whisk in the gelatin. 

*Do this slowly or else you will end up with gelatin chunks, and make sure the mixture is still warm or else it will easily get clump with cold pureed fruit. 

Now depending on what size fruitsnacks you want you can pour the mixture into either an 8x8 dish or a 9x13 dish. 8x8 will give you thicker gummies and a 9x13 thinner ones. 

* I lightly greased my pan before putting the mixture in too afraid it would stick. 

Now place in the fridge for about 30 min or until solid. take out flop onto a piece of wax paper and cut into desired sizes. Or if you have fun shaped cutters use those! 

*keep refrigerated because they can go bad sitting out. 

*know your fruit, if you know your fruit is more tart them maybe using orange juice will help it become sweeter. If your fruit is bland lemon juice will bring out the flavor. However if you use lemon juice you will most likely need to use a sweetener if you don't like sour.
* with the gelatin if you like softer tummies then do 4 tablespoons if you like firmer then do 5 each way it turns out perfectly. 

*honestly with the sweetener you can use whatever you prefer sugar, honey, agave etc. and I would honestly do it to your taste, put however much you feel is necessary to make it taste good to you! So make sure you do a few taste tests! 

Easter's Coming!

I don't know about you but I really enjoy all the fun holidays and wish to get into them with my kids, however I only have one 10 month old right now and he isn't exactly into the holidays like I would like. But, hey? What can I do he's only a baby!

Anyways I try to make the holiday at least somewhat fun and entertaining for the both of us! So now here Easter is coming up and of corse I am not going to buy the typical candy for my 10 month old so I came up with this cute little Easter basket for babies, especially a little boy!

Now to the supplies!
first off I had to go with the cute little blue basket for this little boy, but  I guess whatever color floats your boat then so be it. Next must have for a the basket is a pair or blue bunny ears. He will probably only wear them once but hey! You got to get some good pictures to embarrass him with when he's older!

Of course during this Easter/spring season they sell the most adorable touch and feel books so I had about a dozen books to choose one. I chose baby animals touch and feel book. He already has one with farm animals and that book seriously keeps him occupied in times I need him quiet! You also have to put some fun little toys in the basket, so the cutest one I could find for a boy was little dino toys. (I hope he likes them!) Now lastly, put in one of their favorite snacks. Sawyer loves those squeezable fruits on the go! 

I am so excited for Sawyer to see all the fun little things in his basket and I hope he likes them all! Of course all of this can be made to fit a girl as well, just turn the basket and ears into girly colors and the dino toys maybe into a small stuffed animal! Just have fun with it!

Up-cycling and DIYing

So spring is here and that means warmer weather and if your like me that means a lot of t-shirts! Well, I have to say, being a person who loves fashion and being comfy, I have a love hate relationship with t-shirts. Why? One because they can be so plain and have no style to them and I love them because they are just so comfy. Also, spring means spring cleaning and that means cleaning out closets of clothes you don't wear anymore. So I have an awesome craft today to fix that problem!

No-Sew Peter Pan Colar Necklace: 

Things you will need:

• old shirt
• t-shirt
• scissors
• felt
• glue
• ribbon

So I started with an old jean shirt I had for the collar part and then a T-shirt to use for tracing out the collar.

Sorry, I'm not very fancy and don't have a pattern, I just drew it out myself. (I do things the hard way!) So what I did was place a paper inside the shirt up around the collar. I folded it in half to so I could find the middle.

Then I drew out just one half the collar and cut it out. 

Next I traced it on the inside of the old jean shirt. Doing 2 flipped right side up and 2 upside down. If your like me and make mistakes easily make 2, it came in handy when I realized I messed up halfway through with one of the steps.

 Now, get your felt and repeat the previous step.

Cut all the shapes out now and get your ribbon and glue ready. I measured the ribbon out longer just so I would have room for mistakes and could cut it down to the perfect size for my neck after I'm done.

Place glue on one side of the fabric and one side of the felt. Make sure that when you put them on top of each other they match, this is where I accidentally glued on the wrong side and when I was going to place them on top of each other they didn't match.

 place ribbon down on the felt so that it the edges won't stick out on the sides of the collar.

Now place fabric over the felt and ribbon so that it evenly matches and repeat this step with the rest of your fabric, felt and ribbon.

Ok so I lied, there is a tiny bit of sewing in this project. 

However, its super simple just flip it over to the back where the felt is facing up and sew the two pieces together. Only sew the felt part so you won't see it on the front side. 

And now you are done! You know have a wonderful piece to wear with those plain T's this spring and summer! 

Life Lately

Well, its been forever since I have written on my blog. When I first created this blog I wanted it to be more about crafting, decorating and cooking. Doing the things I love. However, it is now kind of half and half, part life/part crafting.

Anyways on to updating everyone on where we are at.

In december Paul graduated from college! (Now I just need to finish :-/ ) This was seriously a great day in our marriage! He worked so hard to finish while working full time at his internship with Melaleuca for web design (he's really in graphic design but thats another story).  I am so proud of him for getting through school and working hard to provide for our family.

Now Christmas has come and gone, as well as our anniversary and my birthday.

During Christmas we got to talk to my sister Sierra on her mission. That was an awesome experience after not seeing her for 6 months I was really missing her! It was also great because this was the second time she got to see sawyer in person (kind of) since he was born! Christmas was fun having a baby though it could have been more exciting if Sawyer could open up his presents or even know what they were. I'm just excited now for the next Christmas with him, hopefully he will be just as excited as I am! Then on the 30th Paul and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary! It was awesome to think that we had been married for 2 years thinking of how fast the time went by. Then on January 4th I turned 22! I feel so old now, or more like I am no longer a kid, I guess I don't really know how to describe the feeling. However I know I have many more years to live so I have to forget about feeling old and try and live in the present. 

Well here we are now to today. Sawyer has turned 10 months old today and I am missing my little newborn baby boy. Though I love Sawyer more than the world, it is true what they say that time does fly by so fast when you are having fun. He has grown up so fast, I feel like it was just yesterday he was so small and sweet in my arms smiling at me for the first time. Now he is such a big boy and starting to want to do a lot of things on his own. (Except for the past few days he's been teething and wanting nothing but to be held)

Paul has still been working with Melaleuca, and I can't say we were completely thrilled when his internship ended and they didn't promote him yet, but told him that he would be kept on as an extended intern. However, we feel blessed to be able to have a job and feel that we are better off than most people who just graduated from college. I have to say that is one thing I did not think would be so hard to figure out. I thought that once school was over for Paul we would be on our way with a new salary paying job, living in a bigger house and not having to worry about day to day expenses. Finding a job has been tough. About 2 weeks ago Paul came home and told me that his boss had talked to him that day and to get to the point of it all pretty much told him he would either be hired or fired by the end of June. The news came like a slap across the face, what were we going to do? I started to freak out a little, which wasn't necessary he wasn't fired (or hired) yet. Sometimes it can be hard when your in this situation. You look around, and about all you can see is how easy and successful life seems to be for other people and how hard life seems to be for yourself. Paul and I were talking about this last night because as of yesterday Paul was informed that he did not get a Job he interviewed for in Utah which he was so sure he would get. It's so easy to get down on yourself and to feel like for some reason you aren't doing things right in your life, that maybe you just aren't good enough to get a job. However, we can't think like this, and no one should who is going through a hard time. This is a trial for us in our families life. However, if we have learned anything about trials in our marriage its that we have to be hopeful and we have to move forward in faith, trusting in the Lord that things will be alright. That's one thing I am thankful for while we are going through this is to have such a faithful, supportive husband and to have the Lord on my side. I have felt a tremendous amount of peace when life starts to feeling too much to handle. I know something will come up for us and life is still good, we honestly have nothing to complain about and we have everything that could ever make us happy.

Sorry if this has been such a boring read! Anyways, the next post will be something more interesting! 

How the Time Flies!

Well I can't believe it has been four months since my dear Sawyer was born! I wasn't sure if I should post about that day but it was an experience I hold dear to my heart I would love to share!

Sawyer was due May 18th and when that day came and past I was a little disappointed wanting to meet my little son so bad at the same time I almost didn't feel ready for it to come. The next day was my sister and laws birthday and I was so exhausted. I didn't want to do anything and it being a Sunday I was so tired and uncomfortable I told my husband to take me home from church early. We later went out to my in-laws for a birthday party and everyone was talking about when the baby would come and what I was going to do as I had a doctors appointment the next day. My dad had actually texted me that day and told me to call him and act like I was going into labor to freak my family out which was kind of a funny little prank.

After all the fun Paul and I went home and discussed what we were going to do tomorrow. I told him that I wanted him to come to the appointment with me and skip class so just in case I was told I needed to be induced I would have him there by my side at all times. Well then at 3:30 in the morning I got up to go to the bathroom as I did every day and as soon as I got in bed the pain started. I thought to myself it couldn't be labor it's just my stomach hurting or something. I lay there for an hour going through the cramps when they started to hurt a little more and I started to moan a little through the pain. I can still remember Paul's reaction when he woke up to me moaning. He turns over like he wasn't even asleep at all, full of excitement he asks me "Are you in labor?" with a big smile on his face. I immediately say "no" then "I don't know" not wanting to jump to conclusions. We agreed to time  the contractions as we lay in bed for about a half an hour and found they were five minutes apart. Still not feeling to confident about if I was in true labor or not we looked up when we should go to the hospital and it said when contractions are five minutes apart. I remember my mom saying that she was sent home with me and I really didn't want that to happen so I told Paul I was going to take a shower, bieng told that if it is true labor if you get up and walk around and take a hot shower they will not stop but get harder. Well needless to say I could barely stand in the shower. I got out got dressed and Paul asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I said no... again. However, just then I started to having a contraction again and it hurt so much I said we needed to go. Well Paul was dressed and ready in no time and me being the very organized and prepared person I am I had a baby bag and hospital bag packed a month in advances so we just grabbed them and left.

We got to the hospital and they hooked me up to the 'machine' whatever they call it checking the contractions and heart rate and checked how dilated I was. I was at a four they told me and my heart sunk! I thought for sure they would send me home but they called my doctor and he said it was ok to keep me. Well that was just the beginning of a long day. They brought me to another room and got me all settle in and told me if I needed anything for the pain let them know. Well it is about 6 almost 7 at this time and I had not plan on whether or not I was going to get an epidural or not, I just wanted to see how things would go and if I could handle it or not. Well as soon as they came into break my water laboring for about 5 hours now I decided I had enough knowing contractions would get harder after they broke my water and got an epidural. Best decision of my life! I was able to nap and watch T.V. without having to worry about pain. On the mean time Paul was freaking out the whole time because the nurses weren't coming to check me very often and he was very anxious. On top of that Sawyer was posterior and I had no idea if he was still in the position.

My mom had arrived with my sisters at about 11 and they came in to see me for a second before leaving to get something to eat. they had been on the road since 7 and were hungry. Well when I was dilated to an 8 I told them how I was worried that he might be posterior and I wanted to be checked. Well they checked but never told me if he was or not and by the time I got to a 10 I was started to wonder how things were going to go with getting this baby out. Well once I finally reached a 10 they told me to labor down for an hour, whatever that means. So I laid there for about at hour waiting for them to come back having the strongest urges to push, plus the epidural was wearing off and I was starting to feel my toes. Finally not being able to take it anymore I called them back in and they got my doctor in to check me. Well surprise, surprise he was still posterior and my doctor was freaking out trying to turn him around the right way and then ultimately told me he would let me push for a little but that its a good chance he might have to come via c-section.

I did not want a c-section at all so this was it I had to get him out if it took everything I had. I had only been pushing for about 15 minutes when the nurse said that I was going to be able to push him out myself and said she was going to get the doctor. Now an hour of pushing later they placed my sweet little Sawyer Joseph had arrived! It was honestly the best experience of my life and so worth all the pain that only lasted a moment compared to all the joy you get from such a sweet little angel!

Now fast forward four months later and I have the most sweetest baby I could ever dream of. Yes he does have hard days, mostly when he isn's sleeping like I would like him to, but for the most part motherhood has been a breeze. My life is so much better now that I have this little angel in my life and I am so excited for the minutes, hours, days, months and years to come that I get to spend with my growing family.