Motherhood is Never Going to be Perfect

This subject has been looming over me like a storm in my head ever since I made my last post on Facebook and I can't seem to shake it off. The other night I read an article from Salon.com linked here.

 I wasn't quite sure what I was about to read when I saw the title but I went ahead because it looked interesting. I was heartbroken as I continued to read these women's situations and couldn't believe that this was actually happening in reality.  I was moved and touched by the article and feeling quite inspired I decided to post it onto Facebook with a personal manifesto and confession of sorts. Well I have to say after I posted it I didn't quite get the reaction I had expect. I was a bit shocked and a little upset, was anyone even reading the article? It seemed like people were more concerned with what I had confessed to than what I was trying to say.

Now before I continue on with what I'm trying to say, if you aren't going to really read this blog through and be quick to judge what I'm about to say you better just stop now. I'm not going to waste my time trying to explain myself and the situations of what I did was not wrong.

The article I had posted was on women who had left their children in the car for 5 minutes to run a quick errand and ended up being arrested or criminally charged. As I read it I knew exactly how the women felt. Why should I wake my child or get them all out just to run in for a quick minute. I mean I had even done it myself,  even on a couple of occasions. The problem is that I feel with this situation when just saying I left them in the car people would just gasp and call me a bad mother. The thing is you don't even know the full situation. And I feel that is exactly what happened when I posted that on Facebook along with the article.

Though I know they meant well, after people reacted more to my post on what I had done than what the article was about or the message  I was trying to portray, I felt a deep and overwhelming sense that I was alone on my stance on this situation. I felt more than anything in that moment that I had done something deeply wrong, and that people would at any moment if I had left my kid in the car ready to scold me like a little school girl and call the cops! As I continued to process my thoughts I started to realize they didn't understand. This was not about me leaving my children in the car it's about taking the time to understand and help instead of thinking we need to jump to conclusions and teach someone a lesson by having them arrested.

I am not a bad mother, and I refuse to believe that I ever was just because I have made a decision in a moment that it would be better for my children and myself to leave them in a car while a run into a store to grab something quickly. Quite honestly there are so many things I do as a mother I'm afraid to let people know because I'm afraid they won't like it and judge me for it, and now worse after reading this article think I'm a bad mother and call the cops or child services. I was talking to my sister-in-law, after  making my post, about these issues in motherhood and how the world is getting so crazy and then she told me that's why she just keeps to herself. It struck me that we are all too afraid as mothers to live the way we do and let others into our lives and the things we do without feeling like we are doing something wrong.

Just thinking about all these things has struck some deep emotions in me all day long. This life is not meant to be perfect and the way we raise our children individually and from parent to parent is going to be different. With the situation of the mothers from the article and my own I have felt like our society is becoming more and more like the scribes and Pharisees of Jesus' time. We are getting so caught up in doing every little thing right and perfect we cannot accept or reach out to help those who do things differently or in our eyes have done something wrong. We need to have a more Christ like view on these type of situations like Jesus and the women taken from adultery. Jesus told the Pharisees that he who is without sin should cast the first stone.  Instead of having her stoned, or casting a stone at her being the only one without sin, he reached out his hand and told her to sin no more. Why can't we reach out our hand to the mothers of the world and try to find understanding and help correct mistakes and not jump to stone her like the pharisees or in our day's case, call the cops.

I have heard so many different types of ways we judge or try to tell mothers how they are to do things. Heck, I'm not even exempt from judging and wanting to tell mothers what to do but this day I am vowing to do something better with my life. Today I am dedicating myself to not only be a better mother but a better friend to mothers. I am challenging myself to reach out and help those mother's struggling with their toddlers instead of walking past and glad that wasn't me that day. I'm going to lift up and encourage those with children acting up instead of judging them and saying they must have done something to deserve that child. I'm going to cry and laugh with mothers through all the joys and pain that is motherhood. We all have 'dirty laundry", we all make mistakes, we all do things wrong from time to time so  if your reading this I challenge all of you to try this. Stop judging, stop deciding what you think is best for someone else and start reaching out to help.

Motherhood is the hardest job I've ever had, but its also the best job I've ever had. I love every bit of it, even the hard and the bad, and I'm tired of it being degraded to something that isn't worth your time. Motherhood is the most wonderful and important job in my life and it's everything to me. I don't ever want it taken away so that's why I'm going to work my hardest to ensure that the mothers I run into feel that way too. I know who I am and I don't need anyone else to tell me that I'm good mother and I'm doing the best I can.

Meeting You

I remember the day well.
It was a Friday. It started out cloudy and all my classes were cancel that day for some reason so I would take a nap on my couch to catch up on some sleep but I couldn't thinking of who you were and what this day was going to be like. A couple hours later I had to go to work. I was a tour guide for the school at the time and it was required that we look professional, so I got a dress on and started to get ready. The sun came out and it was quite hot. I was meeting the parents of a friend in the ward whose parents were in town and wanted  tour of the new byui-center. I was at ease the whole time. It was my job and I knew the whole ends and outs of every building on campus. However, when I was finished with the tour and time grew closer to meeting you I grew extremely anxious.

I didn't want to go on the date anymore. Blind dates were scary, it was my first one and I felt it would have just been better if I didn't agree to it at all. I started resisting the efforts of my roommates. I didn't want to get dressed, I was comfortable in my dress and it was hot! I didn't want to fix my curls that had started falling out from earlier that day and I especially just wanted to wash what little makeup I had on off. I gave in, changed my clothes to something more suitable for roller blading, that's what the activity was, and waited anxiously for you to come. I heard a knock at the door. I could feel my insides turning inside of me, who was this person I was about to meet for the first time and then go on a date with? Who does that anyways, just meets someone for the first time and then goes on a date with them not even knowing who they are or what they look like? Apparently me, I was the person who does that. I begged my roommates to get the door I didn't want to meet you that way. However, after they refused I knew I had to get the door. I hope you didn't feel like you were waiting too long because it seemed like time was moving so slow for me between the time you knocked and the time I actually opened the door. But time sped up as soon as  I did open the door. I can't lie you didn't stop my heart right then and there, and I wasn't too impressed by what you were wearing. But then again who would be... a blue stripe Hollister V-neck, baggy light wash colored jeans and sporty looking Nike's. Obviously this was something you weren't too excited on doing either. However you had such a handsome face so  I could look past the fashion faux pas. Anyways, the date went on and I had to open my mouth to talk.

We all decided to walk to the roller rink instead of driving, and it was nice. Talking to you felt so natural and I couldn't help but feel like we had been friends before. I never felt like I had a super easy time talking to guys before, especially strangers. However, you  never seemed to be a stranger to me. At the roller rink, how do I put this nicely... you stunk at roller blading, but it was okay because it gave us a chance to flirt and hold hands. The date wasn't done there. It was planned that to end the date we would watch a scary movie. So you and I volunteered to go find a movie to rent. We decided to walk to the movie rental store (which was a gas station a couple blocks away), and it gave us more of a chance to talk and get to know each other. We talked about country music, how I was a vegetarian, what our ethnicity was and where we grew up. You brought up a couple of times some previous dates you had been on and it had already made me feel a little jealous. Though I obviously wanted a guy with dating experience, I hoped that you weren't in love with someone else because I was feeling so good about you and me I knew I wanted to be yours.

When we got back to my place with the movie we chose, I immediately changed into my sweats and washed off my make up. I know you weren't too impressed with that but I was so comfortable with you I just didn't mind so much and who watches a movie at night without getting comfy? That's just something I can't do. By the middle of the movie you were tickling me and poking my side trying to scare me during the intense parts of the movie and it worked. It made me heart skip having you sitting so close. You ended up putting your arm around me and it felt so natural. The night ended so soon and it was time for you to go. You didn't ask for my number and my heart sunk. I was afraid you were going to be like every other guy buttering me up, acting like you wanted me, putting your arm around me to cuddle and then never talk to me again.  My roommates asked if I had known you before the date because we seemed so comfortable but I told them I didn't. It made me happy but at the same time sad because I was afraid I would never see you again. My roommate who set up the date asked me what I thought and how it went and I told her you didn't get my number. It must have bothered her too that you didn't because she texted you right away about it and gave you my number. You texted me that night about the date and then the next few days I hoped that there would come some kind of excuse to talk to you. You had no idea, and you still may have no idea how much I had fallen for you in such a short time. You were unlike anyone I had ever dated before and it was so refreshing and felt so right. I had fallen in love so fast without even knowing everything about it, and it was scary but it was okay because God was guiding me helping me along the way.

I'm so glad we met that day Paul, though things haven't always gone according to plan I know that us meeting and getting married was definitely something that was not only our plan but Gods plan as well as evident in our sealing to each other in the temple. I love you Paul! Always have, always will!